it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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