I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
