It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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