do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
