How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
