im drinking this country out of the recession.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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