Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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