Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
