I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
