I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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