Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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