i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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