Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thus making me awesome and them whores
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
