Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
