Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
