so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
