I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize