I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
