we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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