ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
