we have pet lesbian snakes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
