He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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