I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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