Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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