tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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