i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
