i already hear my dad disowning me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
