Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
