I'm really into asian looking animals
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize