when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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