I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You smell like stripper and shame
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize