Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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