brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
