even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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