While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
