i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
