My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
