My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
