the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize