half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
