you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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