the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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