I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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