i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
