Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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