the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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