I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
