Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
