True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
