We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In America we eat man semen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
