the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
