Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Success! We fucked roommates!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
