i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
