a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize