I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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