im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
