the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
