he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
