he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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