As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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