Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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