dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
