I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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