Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
