he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
