did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
