is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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