he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
