I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
