Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
