he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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