Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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