did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
