Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she peed on how many people?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
