so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
