can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
