It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
