If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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