would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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