Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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