i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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