We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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