i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My nipple is on Facebook.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
