Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
