Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
