Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
