Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
