hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Terrible idea I love it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
