I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
