Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
