so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
