I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My penis needs a shock collar
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
